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The Amputee in Me

  What do you see when you look in the mirror? Honestly I don’t know if anybody’s image of themselves in their head matches the image they see in the mirror. That is defiantly the case when you are an amputee. Regardless if you wear a prosthesis all the time or if you spend most of your days in a wheelchair at some point you see your body for the first time after it has been anatomically changed. I won’t speak for anyone else but I don’t think I will ever get use to that sight. This month will be the two year anniversary of my amputation and a few days ago I caught my reflection as I wheeled by a mirror and it took my breath away, I said to myself “No wander little kids stare.”

   I look at this thing every day and it still takes my breath away it shouldn’t surprise me that children, strangers, or even people that have yet to see me as an amputee are taken back by the sight of me. In my mind because I live with me every day and my children live with me every day it is normal, but it’s not. It Is not normal to have a part of your body “hacked” off (my husband hates when I use that word). On Rizzoli and Isles Dr. Isles makes the statement that Cause of Death is “Death by traumatic amputation” and I think to myself, hold on a minute is there an amputation that isn’t traumatic? Dang, why didn’t I sign up for that surgery, I am sure I would have liked that better.

   Ok now, I know not everyone will appreciate my humor, however anyone that has been through what I have been though, and seen what I have seen in life has to use something to get through it, and I use humor. I laugh at myself and most of the time others laughing at me and that makes me laugh harder. There is 100% truth to the saying that laughter is the best medicine, it can heal or fix anything.

    Writing is the other thing I do, write about this life, my journey, this walk. Or roll should I say since most of my days are spent in a wheelchair. So what do you see when you look in the mirror, do you see who you were in high school, or when you were 20 years younger? No matter who you see God sees the real you and he loves all of who you are even when you aren’t able to love yourself. He loves us at our highest and lowest, when you wake up after your 9th surgery and half your leg gone and the sobs are so deep that the air doesn’t move through your body, he loves. I am still stepping in to my life. I hope you are to.  

 

 

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