My World Today

Hey out there, it’s been awhile since I have shared and my life has taken yet another turn and delt me yet another blow.  Yet I am feeling an overwhelming sense of inspiration so I don’t want to let the moment pass. I think there is something in every day that touches me, maybe brings tears to my eyes, forms a lump in my throat, has me contemplating my life. More and more I am reminded how very short life is, how very precious every breath we take is, especially considering my latest diagnosis.  I want to impact the world, leave a mark, a legacy where I once was when I am gone. I am working hard to find joy in the smallest things and trying so hard to not let the small things get me down. 

I went to the zoo with my children today splurged and rented an electric scooter. Man did that make the day so much more enjoyable for the kids and myself. They didn’t exhaust themselves pushing my chair and I felt good having independence and doing things for myself.  Both of my nephews graduate this month and I will scream from the rooftops I am the proudest auntie around. One is going off the the Army to be a ranger and the other is going off to play college football but you know what they could stay home and go to the local community college and I would still be proud. I just want them to be happy, get an education and build a good life.  Everyday may not be Disney land and cotton candy but I’m trying. I am thankful I get to be so present in my children’s day to day life. I get to stay home and be available if they need or want me for something. Which leads me to discuss my recent diagnosis.  

When I spoke earlier about being diagnosed with RA I was also diagnosed with Lupus. At this point I have been on my new medication for 2 months. I have noticed that it is helping some. The flare ups aren’t 100% gone but they are happening less frequently, not lasting as long and they aren’t as intense but I have had flare ups start in new areas. In total the areas affected are both wrist, my fingers, the palm on the right hand, my left shoulder, my knees, lower back and my ankle.  I have had a malar Lupus rash for about 4 months and the RA and Lupus together have destroyed my immune system so bad that I constantly have a respiratory issue that I can’t seem to get over. At my last appt a few days ago I got a steroid shot and a NSAID shot to try and help boost my system and help maybe get me through this crud. 

Most days are a struggle, most days I’m in my bed and that can work on a person’s mind. God has blessed me greatly though. I have such a good husband, our marriage has seen some hard days but he loves me and he does so much to give me the best quality of life possible. I have 4 of the most extrordinary children ever created on this earth. I could not get through each day without them. They each bring individual qualities that keep me holding on everyday. One thing I am eternally grateful for is that already Briana is blooming into the best friend I could ever have. I still have to be her mom right now but I know what our relationship is evolving to be. 

So right now I try to just find the joy in each day because tomorrow is not promised. I get lost in my children’s eyes and look at the world from their view. My husbands laugh brings me instant and pure excitement and I feel safest when I’m with him.  

Right now when the world is in a state of chaos and it’s being ran by a man with no direction or purpose find your sweet spot and put your faith and trust in God he already knows what tomorrow holds. See the sunrises and sunsets because who knows how many more there will be, it’s God’s best masterpiece. Live for today because tomorrow may not come. Lastly hug often, human touch is the easiest way to show someone they are not alone and it does not cost a thing. Compassion is free!!!

Blessings from me!!!!